Medium: How To Successfully Navigate Work, Love and Life As A Powerful Woman (interview)
How does a successful, strong, and powerful woman navigate work, employee relationships, love, and life in a world that still feels uncomfortable with strong women? In this interview series, called “Power Women” we are talking to accomplished women leaders who share their stories and experiences navigating work, love and life as a powerful woman.
As a part of this series I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Gianna Biscontini.
The premise of this series assumes that our society still feels uncomfortable with strong women. Why do you think this is so?
Well, our current definition of strength is primarily through the lens of a white, heterosexual male. It’s aggressive, loud, domineering, maybe coercive. That’s problem number one, we have to redefine strength in terms of what it really is. For example, it takes more strength to give grace, be vulnerable and exercise empathy than to yell or grandstand. So I prefer talking in terms of power. But because strength and power are used in similar ways, we can say that power is still something seen as primarily male. When women hold power, that is to say when they behave in a way that results in them having influence and control, it disrupts the storyline. They violate expectations, which creates a feeling within us that says “that’s wrong”. We know, of course, that it’s not wrong. It’s just new. But our brains don’t typically do well with new, so we judge and lash out instead.
Some people fear anything outside the norm or anything they don’t have experience with. We project that fear onto a woman as if she woke up that morning on a mission to wage psychological warfare on our lives. Society has this nasty habit of trying to nail a woman’s feet to the floor. We need to support one another, even when it triggers our ego or makes us jealous or threatened. Society needs to check itself. People will say they support strong women, that they value and empower them, which may be true. However, what is usually meant by that is that they want women to be strong and powerful and effective, but not in a way that is triggering or makes them feel like they’re being surpassed. In effect, “Be good, but not as good as me.”
Without saying any names, can you share a story from your own experience that illustrates this idea?
Oh goodness, how much time do we have?! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told how brilliant I am, or how good at my job I am, but then receive a confused look when I pull up a seat at their table. As if I’m the one with the audacity.
In all of my stories, there is absolutely a pattern. In both dating and business, men beam when I mention my work, that I’m a homeowner, that I’ve traveled the world, sometimes by myself. They share with me how much they love strong women. But there is always a point when that becomes threatening and difficult to keep up with. Relationships can be mirrors, and powerful women are powerful mirrors that (accidentally or on purpose) highlight another’s shortcomings. Or, men will tell me about their strong mothers — how they sacrificed everything, put everyone else first and stayed quiet when their father lost his cool. Their definition of strength is just different, and when other women don’t play into their version of strength, it can be quite jarring for them.
