Instagram Re-home: Part Three

As I prepared to break from social media, I felt waves of excitement. It felt like I was starting a whole new way of life and I am still becoming more and more excited to let this piece of life go for awhile.

I also feel waves of anxiety and grasping, as if deleting apps from my phone means deleting my memories from existence.

I began looking back at my digital life on Instagram. Some of the posts held words I needed to hear (again), lessons I could reflect on, and beautiful images of other countries, random days and the like. So, I re-homed a collection of my favorite posts to this mindful community space. My hope is that visitors can spend time here, truly reading and absorbing what resonates with them instead of scrolling to something new in a few short seconds.

Take a deep breath and see what brings you joy, inspiration or insight. No urgency to consume here :)

I love the peace that comes when the day begins to breathe.

- Andreas Bitesnich

Lately I’ve been taking a few days to work and live in nature. I need these getaways because I know I work differently than when in the hustle of Los Angeles. Sometimes I need that energy and sometimes I need total peace, a space to untangle my brain from its hamster wheel and look at things from a different, slower, more mindful perspective. It’s the way I slow down my mental train, so I can enjoy the clearer view.

Changing up your environment changes the way you operate and think. Here are some myths I come across when helping clients plan purposeful getaways:

I must take vacation days.
I must travel far away.
I must find the most beautiful, perfect place.
It costs a lot of money.

You don’t have to go far from home.
You don’t even have to leave your home.
It does not have to be picture perfect.
It does not have to be expensive.

When thinking about getting away, consider what truly brings you peace, and give it a go.

I used to work 16-hour days, spend time doing things I didn’t want to do, and frequented the bar scene, many times staying until well past closing at 2am.

These days, I’m more likely to be found in the parking lot of an animal hospital at that hour (in this pic, I’m back at the hospital after sleeping in my car until 1:45am). Maybe I’m eyeballs deep in my manuscript, or holding innovation calls with people that energize me.

These days, I live completely differently.

Ideally I’m asleep by 9:30. A solid Friday night is a documentary on my giant couch surrounded by candles, good food and my rescues. I’m out of bed at 6am to have deep conversations about life and business with my domestic and international crew (international coffee hours are my new jam).

Not everyone understands it, and they don’t have to 😎

For me, the difference between life pre and post pandemic is knowing what makes me whole, and then moving in that direction — “daily and no matter what” — my new mantra.

I know what nourishes me. Everything outside that is neutral, white noise. It’s easy to move past, unaffected.

Some would call these boundaries, others would call it knowing your truth. Others still may call it living on your own terms.

Whatever you call it — own it, live it, breathe it… no one gets to design your life other than you. 😎✌🏼

Reposted with permission ☺️

A close friend is dealing with some major home, fur baby and life issues right now. Trust me when I say it’s entirely too much for one person to handle, and I’ve been there.

I used to think that hiding non-work frustrations was saving people trouble and worry, earning me the “I Can Do It Myself” badge in the process (wooo, hat tip to me).

Bullshit.

None of us are actually built to survive and thrive by ourselves. We aren’t built to hide our triumphs and troubles, we’re built to find people who support and encourage us through both.

I love that she had this moment of true connection with a total stranger. Over the last two years I would mention to an emergency vet that my father just passed away, or share with a client, “I experienced that just a few months ago, it took me down”, the entire scenario changed. More compassion, more empathy, more “yep, I’m feeling that too”. More “you get me”.

Belonging is everything, and it starts with disrupting the notion that we must keep it all to ourselves. Let your frustrated, fearful, sad or angry freak flag fly today, and see what happens 🤷🏽‍♀️

I don’t know who needs to hear this but…

You 👏
do not 👏
have to 👏
make up for 👏
lost time. 🙏🏼

This weekend as I was working on my manuscript, I kept thinking “I could’ve finished this book sooner… I should’ve worked on this more”.

But then I thought about what I was doing instead. Grieving my father. Caring for my special needs dog. Healing from trauma. Rebuilding my business. Creating for clients. Moving my life to LA. Resting, a lot.

We cannot project our expectations of a mentally healthy person on to the actions of that same person in a mentally unhealthy state.

A mentally strong person in an unhealthy season of is no comparison to that same person who is well.

I’ve always been a person who sees the extraordinary in the ordinary. I find absolute joy in simple things, like the way the sun hits a leaf, and amusement in the way people connect and interact with one another. But for 24 months, I struggled hard. I remember thinking “you’re going to look back and wonder why you didn’t do more… just know that you simply couldn’t”.

Whatever time has passed has given you something. Whatever time you spent healing, resting, Netflix binging, staring at the wall, crying, cursing the universe, or spending time recalibrating was necessary for you to move forward.

Accept it, say thank you, and allow it to help you stand a little taller when you feel you’re able.

Happy Monday. Go be brilliant ✨

The other day, I heard someone say, “I’d love to get away, but work just won’t let me right now.”

Here’s the hard truth.

You decide :
-How many hours you spend scrolling.
-How much energy you give others.
-How much time you spend engaged in things that deplete you.

-What you tolerate.
-What you believe.
-What you worry about.

It’s tempting to place blame on others, but eventually (and sometimes entirely too late) we realize the amount of time we spend giving someone else jurisdiction over our own lives.

You cannot simultaneously be empowered and give power away.

A few profound words from Patti Smith’s book, M Train. It sat above my head for a year in 2019, scribbled on my chalkboard in my San Diego home. I never knew why it resonated with me, but it played over and over in my mind. And now, I understand so clearly. A year diverted into a stream, from San Diego to Los Angeles, during which my life changed from entrepreneur to caring for my (suddenly) special needs dog, writing a book, and healing my own wounds — A world as fragile as a temple of matchsticks.

Each of those experiences challenged me to dig into places I didn’t know existed, only to emerge more tender, more creative, more filled with love, and in many ways broken. Broken like humans tend to break, only to mend ourselves and be forever changed. A strange alchemy that we can learn to embrace.

My biggest lessons from days spent in a world of my own making:
Peace > happiness
Purpose is paramount
Find what breaks your heart, and follow it

In the same week, I completed my book, purchased a home 3,000 miles away, and lost my sweet girl. I can’t help but feel like our fragile little world, never sustainable, was a gift. A season when life hung suspended in the air, on pause while I sat in the sun and drank coffee with my dogs for hours, my book finishing itself in my head at the same time it healed me.

And so I continue onward holding dear the biggest lesson Livie girl gave me, as is my wish for you:

Wake everyday and do the best you can with what you have, and just keep ✨living✨.

If I’m honest, my light flickers. It just does. But on the best days — my favorite days — I can feel the sheer power in how it feels to shine. Without apology or second thought.

This week I spoke with a friend who said she felt “an oppressive air” around a loved one. “It would anger her to see that I’m pulling through, that I’m feeling on top of the world after such a hard time. I don’t want to rock that boat”.

I asked, “But what would happen if your happiness and light lifted her instead?”

I don’t know what she will choose in the end, but I’m certain of two things:

1) If you have friends who would rather see you small, get new friends.
2) Everyone — you, your social circle, your community — always wins with more light, not less.

Here’s a quote from my upcoming book on the topic of how we become dimmer, smaller:

“Every time we stay silent, take on someone else’s work, let someone tell us we’re not good enough, believe our needs and wants are undeserved, dismiss our natural feelings to keep someone else comfortable, believe we need someone else to be happy, or shame ourselves for our sex drive, body, or ambition, it’s a little paper cut. It’s making the choice to live on someone else’s terms, over and over again, until we realize we have no idea who we are anymore. The moment we realize we’ve lost ourselves feels like it comes on quickly, but it’s cumulative. It’s death by a thousand paper cuts. It’s from years of accepting false beliefs about who we should be, even when we feel the incessant tugging from the truer, more fulfilling life that awaits us. It’s self-harm. And that is no way to keep living our days.”

Life is short ya’ll. Shine bright✌🏼

✨Life’s best moments are simple — however complex and chaotic the process was to get there.✨

Over the last few years I experienced debilitating loss, depression, anxiety and upheaval that caused me to rethink the life I wanted to build. It was heavy.

I wished for this moment, daydreaming about the time I’d feel safe, rooted, happy and free.

And 2 years, 7 months and 9 days after sitting down to write the journal entry that became this book, I hold her in my hands. Happy. Healthy. Safe. Free.

This girl is almost ready to sit in your lap 😁👏. To gently help you to grow — while loving you exactly as you are. To make you laugh and to make you cry — without apologizing for feeling the feels that arise. To guide you in building a healthy, fulfilling life from here on out — whatever that means for you.

And — maybe — to help you arrive in the moments ✨you✨ daydream about. Because you sure as hell deserve them😉.

Today, just before coming out to my little LA yard, I glanced over at my desk:

A note of gratitude from a celebrity client, after not feeling good enough.

A sketch of my book cover - out in a few days - after a decade of telling myself I couldn’t be an author.

A note of support from a friend, during years of pain and loss that almost ended my life.

Advanced degrees that filled me with knowledge and memories, after graduating with a 2.2 college GPA. A year before starting graduate school at GWU, I was selling water under the university gates.

Mindset matters. Your ambition matters.

The lesson in each of these stories is simple — Don’t give up, just keep going.

Yesterday, I spent the entire day outside. I stared at the sky, had phone calls with friends, played with Franklin and let the last few years wash over me.

What started as a simple journal entry has become one of the things I hold most sacred — my book that launches tomorrow.

The first sentence I wrote was, “Women are conditioned to be the air and water that sustains — but does not disrupt — those around us.” While much of the book evolved over the years, I never changed those first words.

Sitting in the sun, I thought about how I’ve changed over these last few years. How women have continued to change.

Through political upheaval, women marched.

Through the pandemic, women soldiered on as caretakers, homeschoolers, nurses and doctors, partners, parents and employees.

Through recent days watching Roe teeter on the brink, we got mad as hell.

It is a privilege to be here in this time, when the arch of change hits a new trajectory. Women today stand on the shoulders of those who marched, soldiered, and made noise before us (like the joyful, vivacious Isabel Allende, featured above in an issue of Porter Magazine I apparently held dear). And I will never take for granted the fact that I got to write this book at this time in history.

A time when it has even a small chance of being received and making an impact.

A time when men can feel safe enough to message me and ask if reading F*ckless will make them a better boss or husband.

A time when we can ALL receive the message that women are done adjusting around everyone else, and that we are simply going to change some things — with grace, power and love.