From Social Media to Mindful Community

“Why are you leaving social media? Well, besides all the obvious reasons.” a friend asked me today.

“For all the obvious reasons".” I responded, with a chuckle.

No one I’ve told about my break from social media is surprised, they’ve all considered it, too. But when I press further as to why they haven’t yet abandoned this time and energy sapper, I realize they can’t even imagine life without social media.

That is how ingrained platforms like Facebook and Instagram have gotten in our every day. Those of us who jumped on board years ago now cannot imagine life without it.

It’s a main focus in our day.

We experience life’s moments not in real, gratitude-evoking time, but through how it might be converted into a post.

We check our feeds in a 2 minute grocery line.

The second a commercial comes on, we switch screens and scroll.

We have not only completely unlearned how to enjoy peace and quiet in our day, we have become intolerant of it.

I greatly dislike anything that exists to derail my peace or my progress.

When my book launched in the Spring of this year, Instagram suspended my account. They began policing my page far past the point I knew they had the right to. I could post stories, but not like or comment on any posts. I could post pictures of my dog, but not my book or my face.

I get it, my book is titled Fuckless. Still, it is not the most egregious thing I’ve seen on the internet (let’s not forget that one man even hit the NYT Bestseller List with his F-word book). But strange things started happening; I received emails from random instagram accounts and the app that suspended me was now trying it’s best to win back my attention, teasing me with extra notifications about what my friends were up to and encouraging me to connect with them.

One day, I bent down to take a picture of my dog and I, and abruptly stopped.

“I can’t post it, so what’s the point?” I thought.

What the point?

What the hell had happened to me?

Years ago, before everyone became a photographer, I was a real photographer with a real camera. I became a photographer because friends encouraged me to do so when they saw my travel pictures and former lifestyle blog posts. My life was imagery and creativity. My life was documenting and writing. And I did it for myself — for joy — and then for clients who paid me.

Now my life was being viewed not through my own lens, but through the lens of, well, whomever my followers might be at the time. I unconsciously considered what pictures and words may get likes and what may not. It didn’t matter if I thought something was insightful or beautiful, a quick, barely there thought of “Nah, no one will get that” would pop up. And by “no one would get that” I meant “no one would like/comment/share that”. When I occasionally checked my analytics on my professional account, my fears were confirmed.

The posts I found least interesting (an attractive picture of me) received the most attention, and the posts I found most interesting (research on wellbeing, insights gained from my time at Stanford) received the least. And, of course, my behavior continued to follow. I posted when I happened to look attractive instead of when I had something interesting to say.

I realized, I had just published a book helping women to live the lives they wanted for themselves, beyond the expectations and limits of others, and here I was — just another woman conforming to what the world wants.

Cringe.

This has become the unconscious, automatic behavior of many social media consumers today.

And now I’d like to reverse that narrative, if only in my own life.

While I’ve considered this for years (I stepped away from Facebook long ago and returned only to promote my book), this is the perfect time. When Instagram first suspended my account, I reduced my use throughout the Spring, Summer and Fall. In place of the hours I would spend scrolling and posting, I studied quantum physics, meditated more, played outside with my dogs, spent 12 days traveling around tiny houses on the East Coast, and enjoyed my press tour. I was truly the healthiest I had been for a long time.

Months later, I felt like I was ready to return to daily posts, but within a few short weeks my mental and physical health began to dwindle. My attention was noticeably affected. As I was scrolling mindlessly I would think “GIA, put down the phone. You’re not even enjoying this.”

Yes indeed, it’s time :)

The truth is, I like my social media pages. I like what I’ve shared and I like hearing from people who love my book, my work, or who have found something I’ve said inspiring or helpful. It’s been more than enough to keep me engaged. And while my real life is exponentially more interesting than my social media life, I’ve accurately represented myself.

What I love about social media is that it helps me fulfil my purpose — getting out there, living authentically and using my voice to show others, women especially, that there aren’t as many limits and rules as they were made to believe. And yes, to post the occasional delicious food picture.

What I don’t love is the constant hijacking of my attention, the unnecessary policing, creepy outreach, random charges, and now, the monetizing of those who make Reels.

As a behavior analyst, I know that Instagram’s choice to monetize the use of their platform is a desperate attempt to maintain engagement. If I had to guess (I found the notification disturbing and refused to click on the details), I would say that Instagram is putting consumers on an intermittent reinforcement schedule, meaning that they 1) won’t know when they will get paid for making content and/or 2) they will be rewarded for every few Reels or on a kind of fixed ratio schedule (e.g., for every 6 Reels you get $10). This is the most effective way to get someone to keep doing something over a long period of time. It’s very sustainable because it keeps the person interested, waiting for when they might get rewarded again (think gambling and slot machines).

So my choice to step away before the digital addiction game intensifies is a value-aligned one. And, if I’m being honest, a choice for my own wellbeing I’m excited to make.

There are a lot of choices I’ve been excited to make in the coming months. And since I won’t be blasting the news out to thousands of followers every week, I’ll be posting them here — in my own, mindfully designed community.

In fact, I will be reposting some of my favorite insights and images from both of my accounts, and I will continue to live my digital life right here. My hope is that you will find this site valuable enough to visit from time to time, without the constant tugging at your attention, and that it will become a place cozy and inspiring enough to stay awhile.

Stay tuned for more, loves. It’s going to be an interesting 2023 :)